Sometimes I feel that those who love us believe we aren't "trying" hard enough. We've given up "school" when really could be doing just a little. ("Don't you think?")
One friend of mine thinks the opposite. She believes I haven't let go enough. That view is probably closer to the truth. We've pushed to try to do an adult Great Books class, we've pushed to sing in the choir, we've pushed to be in plays. Throughout all of this illness (almost two years now) I've keep trying to keep my kids and myself holding on to "life."
Mind you, we didn't easily let go of "our" lives in the first place. We kept hanging on to piano lessons even when 2 or 3 weeks of the month we'd end up having to call at the last minute and cancel. Finally, when tears came at the piano, instead of sweet music, I let go. School was the same way. We're made like that - we want what we want. No one likes to let go of what's important to them.
Not this fall. I'm letting go. It's not easy. Adult Great Books-Year 2 is starting in a couple of weeks. A really good Biology class is being offered to highschoolers (girls and boys) at the Boy's School this fall. It's rumored that our community theatre is doing "Sound of Music" this fall. We're not signing up.
Is this hard? Harder than many of you will ever know. But missing worship on Sundays is harder. We've learned that we can live without the other stuff. Yes, one can live without Latin, History, Science, and Math. (Notice I didn't say Literature - as Christians, we are people of the Word and so we cannot live without it. So even though we cannot commit to Great Books class, doesn't mean we won't be reading, Lord willing.) It's not how we'd like to live - we know we're ignorant of way too much, but we don't feel as we are so ignorant that we will die from it (Thank you, Lord, for that.)
But with worship it's different. We do feel like we'll die without it. Without being edified by God's Word, nourished at His table, without singing praises to our Creator in thanksgiving, all within the community and encouragement of the saints on a weekly basis, we die.
Father, please let us live. Please let us worship You every Sunday once more. We've finally learned that that is all we need.