Joy. I'm not use to feeling it so often...there's just been so much pain, so much suffering. Yes, there have been times of joy these last 3 and 1/2 years, too, but they have been... spread out.
But lately, wow, I decided today that I should consider carrying a hankie.
When Erin's best friend was here, they learned a song to sing together. They sang it over and over. We couldn't get away from the sound of their practicing. (I wasn't crying, yet, by the way - except for being tempted to cry out, "Please give us relief!") But finally, they sang me their finished duet. The performance that those two girls -who hadn't seen each other for eight months and who, if I hadn't been at one of the occasions, I'd swear were born joined at the hips - anyway, the performance they gave me... well, that was Weepy Time, No. 1.
Weepy Time, No. 2:
One of my friend's gave me a gift that was symbolic of something I had talked about in a blog post. The gift came with a meaningful message on the card. All that I can say is friendship like that makes one joyful.
Weepy Time, No. 3: While I'm preparing dinner one night
Erin's at the piano (Definition: an instrument that, before our illness, I use to hear being beautifully played at least two hours a day, but I've only heard being played a handful of minutes altogether since. Remember, that's over three and a half years people.) So she's playing the piano, and singing at the same time. Now, that would be a good enough excuse to get weepy, right?
But...at the same exact time as that is going on, my son (who use to play lacrosse and other such physical sports, but has not been able to comfortably walk up and down the hill that our house sits on, during the above length of time I just described,) is in our backyard with his new best friend, (it wouldn't be exaggerating to tell you that all of Brady's best friends have moved away from our quiet city during the said amount of time of our illness.) I stood watching them out the kitchen window play badminton, knowing that they had plans to hop on their Ripsticks later. (Do you remember Erin is doing that playing/singing thingy in the dining room?)
There is just no way that Weepy Time, No. 3 could have been prevented.
Weepy Time, No. 4:
Scratch this one, don't remember it.
WT, No. 5:
Today, the CD of Fiddler on the Roof we ordered a few weeks ago finally arrived. Erin blasted the Intro to the play which was followed by the cast breaking into, "Tradition." Oh boy, did Erin and I get excited! This made Erin's upcoming role in "Fiddler" finally feel real! (It was cast in May before school let out, but rehearsals won't start for a little over two weeks yet, so thoughts of it have just been kind of dream-like.) Then, "Matchmaker" came on and Erin started singing along as Chava. I couldn't help myself - the reality of how big this role is for Erin (it is going to be produced as professionally as a play can be without being wholly professional,) how she, with her limited energy has worked so hard to keep trying to gain the skills needed to be even considered for a role like this, and how I am so completely proud of her, and thankful to God for blessing her...joy, joy, joy! (Heh, it makes me wonder how I'll ever get through the actual performances.)
WT, No. 6:
At a picnic a couple of weeks ago (an event that our whole family was able to attend together - a very rare gift, in itself,) the moms started talking about allergies and I mentioned that I wanted to learn how to make kefir, but I felt like I needed someone to help me, because learning about it seemed so overwhelming. (Kefir relates to allergies in that, I've learned, a good yogurt or kefir can help those with gut problems gain some healing so we won't react to lots of foods - or pollen, or molds, the world for that matter. I've learned to make fermented yogurt, but we hadn't had success in being able to eat it yet.) A friend sitting next to me told me about a lady she's acquainted with locally who knows about kefir making, and asked if she could send the lady,(P,) my e-mail address to see if she could help me. Of course! P came over today to drop off a book for me to read about kefir. I asked her if she could come in and we visited for awhile. And somewhere towards the end of our visit the WT came. You see, I'd been praying for just this sort of person to come into my life, someone who had overcome problems like we've been experiencing and could help me and direct me in just these ways.
So what I said is true, I've been a weepy mom, lately. But it's okay, it's just that my cup runneth over.